How many of you thought to yourself, “He’ll never leave his wife for you” even when your friend was sure he would? “He just wants to wait until his youngest is in college. Then he’ll leave.”

It never happens.

Not for your friend. But then I can name at least four situations I know of personally where the man was married and having an affair, then he left his wife for the other woman. So why does it happen for everyone else, but not your friend?

And why is it, when a woman cheats, she’s more likely to leave her marriage than a man is?

Many experts feel the answer to that is simple. Women cheat for emotional reasons while men cheat for physical ones. In other words, for men it’s about sex. For women it’s about feeling loved. It’s easy to see, of those two choices, which one would tempt someone into thinking the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. If a man can get wild, passionate sex on the side while still having all his other needs met at home, what incentive does he have to climb over that fence? But a woman gets a taste of the romance, the passion, the EXCITEMENT, and suddenly it looks more inviting than her boring, dissatisfying married life.

It’s rarely ever that simple.

In fact, in this case men are actually the wiser of the two. If you leave your marriage for another person, and you marry that person, your chances of that marriage lasting fall BELOW 25 percent. Why? It’s not rocket science. You began your relationship on a foundation of mistrust and deception. How can a relationship on that foundation last?

There are other reasons, too.

Say a man does leave his wife for his mistress. Or say a woman leaves her husband for her affair partner. How long until this “ideal relationship” becomes just like the marriage that preceded it? Real life brings real problems. Kids, housework, budget issues. Once the affair is no longer “fun time,” the couple is subjected to the same problems as any other relationship…only with the added stress of that cracked foundation.

Think about it. If YOU were the other woman (or man), how could you trust the person you’re with, knowing that person has a history of cheating? “But that was a bad marriage; this is a good one” can only go so far. You know that somewhere, in the back of that person’s mind, he or she is always wondering if it will happen again. Every time someone new enters the picture, you would wonder… Every time your spouse had to work late or had a mysterious call that had to be taken out of your earshot, that tiny seed of doubt would begin to grow…

What about all of these affairs that don’t end a marriage? What happens? Everyone knows about the woman over in accounting who’s been sleeping with her married boss for ten years. Or the woman down the street whose landscaper takes an extra long time “mowing her yard” every week while her husband is away. Since most affairs last an average of 1-4 years, something has to kill it.

In some cases, an affair ends because one or both of the married participants get caught. Nothing will kill an affair faster than it becoming public knowledge. And if it’s a choice between a man having sex with that hot redhead at work or keeping his home and being able to see his children every night, most men are going to choose the latter. So they will do whatever it takes to make the spouse happy, which usually means cutting off all contact with the other person.

Then there are the many affairs that go undiscovered. What ends those? Oftentimes if one of the partners is single, that person finally gets tired of always being second best. He or she meets someone new and ends things. But surprisingly, most of the time, affairs simply fizzle out. The passion starts to die, the deception becomes too much work, or guilt finally breaks through the thick skull of the person who had vowed to love only one person until death. In that case, the cheater’s spouse will probably never find out about the affair…he or she may even go to the grave believing his/her spouse was always faithful. You’ve got to wonder about that. Would most people rather know? Or is it possible that, in most cases, what you don’t know won’t hurt you…?

You see it all the time. A couple is together for seven years. They’re on the slow road to matrimony. She is his wifey, or so everyone thinks. Maybe they live together,got a couple kids, maybe they even get engaged, but for some reason they never quite make it to happily ever after. So they never jumped the broom…

Then, one day, they break up. Now the rumers begin! Everyone is stunned. Everyone is even more stunned when, a few months later, one or both of them meet someone new and are married in no time. Now More rumers! What happened? How could they be in their last relationship, only to jump right into marriage with the next person they meet? What is this new phenomenon?

It’s called falling in love. It’s that day when everything finally clicks into place. It’s what people mean when they say “When you know, you know.”

But some people will tell you there are rules. You can’t fall in love again “so soon” after a relationship ends. “So soon” could be two months, two years, two decades…depending on the person doing the gossiping. Whatever the case, apparently some people believe they have the right to determine when someone else is in love.

If you fall in love and the relationship ends, does that mean it never was love? I’ve known people who believed that way. They go in and rewrite history based on the relationship’s outcome. Is that legitimate?

Heck no.

Love is not contingent on a relationship lasting. It is a real emotion and in the moment you feel it, it exists. You can’t take it back later because you found out the guy secretly likes to wear women’s pantyhose or hears voices in his head every time he eats Cheerios. If you loved him, you loved him. Nothing will change that.

Perception is reality. I did decide to stop by  her house to BE NOSY  to see what was going on. I mean she  had been with him for only for six months. I asked if she was in love and she looked at me like I was crazy. “Love takes a whole lot longer than six months to develop” she snapped. O-kay. Apparently HER reality is that love is not love until it has settled into the “comfortable” phase. But lust and attraction have been defined as “phases” of romantic love. Im thinking why the FUCK are you getting married .So technically, the process of falling in love begins when you first meet the person. But it is not love until YOU define it as such. No one but YOU can tell you when you’re in love.

Is it love if the other person never returns your feelings?

Is it love if the other person does not even know you exist?

Is it love if one or both of you are married to other people?

Is it love if it doesn’t last forever?

Only you can answer that question for yourself. “Love” is a label YOU put on your emotions. The “love” that the more skeptical people hold out for is what happens once all the dust settles down. Once the oxytoxin isn’t keeping you all googly-eyed. Once you’ve started to see the other person more as a life partner than someone whose clothes you want to rip off every second of the day.

The bottom line here is that no one can tell you that what you are feeling is not love. No one can tell you that someone never loved you. Love is YOUR emotion. And only you know what is in your heart.

Ok, why is the Tiger Woods affair more controversy than these 2 people sneaking they butts in the white house and eating with the president? I just want to know…

In my opinion he cheated and of course cheating is not right….However the Virginia couple, Michaele and Tareq Salahi, slip into the  state dinner at the White House and they get 30 seconds of news time and Tiger get hours. They eventually stopped talking about the couple who broke bread with our president but still talking about Mr.Woods…SMH

This month has earned me a pamper me day. Disregard that, I earned a week-end worth of pampering. I can’t wait to be away from this house, my husband, my kids and school work. I just need to be in the chair of my beautician….

Since I was in middle school, I have had a routine. Ever Wednesday was hair day.  I change this only once, and that was just the day of my hair appointment. I get up early, never push snooze when its hair day. I have scheduled everything around my special day. My nails are somewhat a necessity too, I get them done at least once a month.

I can truly say my mother is to blame . She started this routine when I was young.This was by no means was on some spoil stuff; my mother thought it was teaching me how to keep myself up. Appearance was imperative to her. She never was the mom who did my hair, never had time. So she paid someone to do it for her. Constantly told me, if you can’t do it right pay someone rather than look like a fool. She did teach me that these things don’t determine how a person keeps there self up. a nasty person can get their stuff done. Then again othersnever get their stuff done and take damn good care of their self well. Neat and clean, not just your cloths but body and hair is all I require to be considered taking care of yourself.

I am so ready for my “pamper me therapy”

I  am making an effort to stay this way too.

We will see how it goes; need time to get myself together…..

Way too busy

I started back school in January; and it has been an eye opener for me. I come to realize my time management skills suck. I am clueless when it come to  prioritizing . I always put to much on my plate, and like my daddy said if you cant eat it don’t waste your time putting on your plate. Where there is a will there is a way I guess. But until then I have to figure out how to calm down it take it as it goes.